Elder Carter Mayberry and Elder Danny DeWitt

It is with great sadness that I report the death of my good friend, Danny DeWitt, who took his own life on Thursday, November 20, 2015. My heart is tender as I remember the good times we had together. Some memories:

He was my last companion before I completed my eighteen-month full-time mission in the Venezuela-Maracaibo Mission in March 1983. We served together in San Cristobal, in the state of Tachira. Do you know how sometimes you just “click” with some companions or roommates? Well, Elder DeWitt and I “clicked.” We worked hard. And we played hard – while still following mission rules. It was during that time together that I experienced the most success as a missionary in San Cristobal.

One couple was returning to activity in the Church and asked Elder DeWitt and I to bless their children, ages about 2 and 4 – so their names would be on the records of the Church. I asked the parents why they asked us to do that and they said could tell that Elder DeWitt and I loved each other and got along – allowing for the Spirit to work through us as we blessed their children.

We were both extremely competitive. I was better at distance running and he was better at sprints. I remember one morning jogging together and deliberately taking him on a route that would end with a steep hill before sprinting back to the apartment. Just before running up the hill, I said, “Race you back to the apartment!” I knew that getting his legs and lungs tired running up the hill was the only chance of beating him. He groaned aloud, but didn’t let me off easily as we huffed and puffed up the hill and back home – and I won.

About five years ago, we had a mission reunion in Utah. I hadn’t seen him in several years. He had gained a lot of weight. I teased him about that and said, “Now maybe I can beat you in a sprint!” Not backing down, he said with a smile, “Let’s go out in the parking lot and see what you’ve got!” That caught me off guard enough that I was the one who backed down, thinking, “Maybe he’s still got more than I think!”

4th from left, Danny DeWitt – Far right, Carter Mayberry

Elder DeWitt was the mission’s arm wrestling champion. I think we had a zone conference and we met at the mission office afterward. He said to Elder Lovell, “I’ve heard you’re the one I need to beat at arm wrestling!” – and they sat down at the kitchen table to settle it right then. Elder DeWitt won seemingly easily. President Karl Fenn came in to see what the ruckus was about and he challenged Elder DeWitt, who reluctantly agreed to the contest. Again, Elder DeWitt won.

L to R – Danny DeWitt, Keith Ingersoll, Elder Cunningham

I returned home from my mission a few months before Elder DeWitt. I was living and working in the Phoenix area. I called his parents, who invited me over to show pictures of my mission. Nice folks! When Danny and Lisa were married in the Mesa Temple, he invited us to the ceremony. I felt honored to be there.

After our son, Ashton, died from suicide January 28, 2014, Elder DeWitt had to cancel his plans to come to the funeral because of pneumonia. He informed me of this in the last text I received from him on January 31, 2014. A few weeks later, I saw him at Pres. Fenn’s funeral. A few weeks after that, I saw him again at a dinner organized by Elder McKay Pearson and his wife. They live in Salt Lake City, but were visiting the Phoenix area for a half marathon. Elder Gary Crosby and his wife were also there. It was comforting for me to be near my good friends and brothers in the gospel during the time my grief was especially very fresh and raw. That was the last time I saw Danny DeWitt in this lifetime.

Written by Carter

I went shopping early today. I wanted to get my few last minute things in peace without the people and waiting factors that seem to happen on the day before Thanksgiving. While in the produce section I passed by a lady who looked up at me and said, “Happy Thanksgiving!”. I said, ” Thank you, Happy Thanksgiving to you!”  She seemed extra cheerful. The man next to her, her husband I assume, said the same thing to me, “Happy Thanksgiving!” I returned the sentiment and went on my way, pushing my cart, with a happier heart and a brighter attitude. I noticed that couple again in the store and heard them wish others a Happy Thanksgiving as they did to me. I wondered…. did they plan to say that to those they met today? Did they say to each other before coming to the store, “Let’s wish everyone we see there a Happy Thanksgiving,” or is that just who they are? Does brightening the day for others come naturally to them?  Whatever the reason, it made an impression on me and I’ve been thinking about that all day.

I went to the store this morning a little downhearted, knowing that another Thanksgiving was coming with out Ashton. It was the kind of day where I knew I needed to find some HOPE or JOY. I headed to the Christmas department and did find a Joy To The World ornament. It is mine now. HOPE is still hard to find.

I am so grateful for that couple…. for their innocent, happy comment to me. It changed the course of my day and reminded me that there is so much good in the world. I don’t even know them, but now I wish I did. I wonder how many hearts they lifted during their Walmart trip today?

I’m in charge of the veggie tray for our Thanksgiving feast. My big family… I love ’em! We each bring a little to contribute to the big feast. I’m home now chopping and cutting and preparing for tomorrow when I see them all. The sadness has passed and I am ready and happy to be with them soon. Our children and grandchildren will be there. We can brighten and lift each other.

Families… that’s what this earth life is all about. We share the hardest times and the happiest times with each other. It’s my family who reminds me that I have so much to be grateful for. It’s my family that helps me find the HOPEfulness I am looking for. Today…. it’s my family….. all my brothers and sisters on the earth….  as we share this earth life together…. reminding me that we can help each other be more grateful and HOPEful.

Written by Faye

I’m in love with my new license plate! I have never felt the need to have a personalized plate…  but this one needed to happen! That UofA ‘A’ will always be Ashton’s ‘A’.  I need to let the University of Arizona know that bit of important information.

I want the whole world to see  and never forget his beautiful name!!

I have been thinking a lot about the Atonement of Jesus Christ[1] lately. I don’t pretend to be an “expert” in the Atonement, but I will share some thoughts about what the Atonement has meant for me. As usual, if this is helpful for you, please use it however you see fit. If it’s NOT helpful for you, please set it aside; perhaps something else in this blog WILL be helpful for you.

I am reading Elder Dallin H. Oaks’[2] book The Lord’s Way[3]. In pages 222-224, Elder Oaks teaches about suffering as it relates to repentance. I thought of the suffering I have and am experiencing as a result of grief and mourning from Ashton’s death. Quoting from the book, “…this suffering has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change. The fruits of the [mourner’s] personal suffering are the broken heart and contrite spirit described in the scriptures…The broken heart and contrite spirit…introduce the [mourner] to the change necessary to conform his life to the pattern prescribed by his Redeemer.” If you find this approach helpful, I suggest reading this section of Elder Oaks’ book.

While the suffering I have experienced through grief has been more painful than I can express, I hope that it has helped – and will continue to help – change my heart so that it is more open and receptive to God’s influence and to the needs of others who are also suffering.

Faye’s recent blog post[4] is about our grandchildren’s church program that we attended last week. I’d like to share two things that touched me during that program.

First, our 4-year-old granddaughter, Clara’s, story about how she put band aids on Jesus’ “owies.” The photo from Faye’s post is the wallpaper on my phone. Truly, “out of the mouth of babes”[5] is how I am often taught. The simplicity and pureness of that act just melts this grandfather’s heart.

Second, one of the songs in the program was “I Know That the Savior Loves Me.”[6] Here are the lyrics:

A long time ago in a beautiful place,

Children were gathered ‘round Jesus.

He blessed and taught as they felt of His love.

Each saw the tears on His face.

The love that He felt for His little ones

I know He feels for me.

I did not touch Him or sit on His knee,

Yes, Jesus is real to me.

Chorus:

I know He lives!

I will follow faithfully.

My heart I give to Him.

I know that my Savior loves me.

This children’s song is referring to when the Savior appeared to His people in the American continent, shortly after His resurrection. He invited them to come forward one-by-one and feel with their hands the wounds of the sword in His side and of the nails in His hands and feet.[7] This was a multitude of 2,500 men, women and children. Later that day, He invited the multitude to bring forth all those “who were afflicted in any manner” and He healed them, one-by-one. He told them, “…I have compassion upon you. My bowels are filled with mercy.” He then invited them to bring their children to Him. As they surrounded Him, He knelt and prayed to the Father, using words too marvelous to be written. He then said, “Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full.” He then wept, blessed each child one-by-one, prayed unto the Father for them, and wept again. Angels then descended from heaven to minister unto the children as fire surrounded the children.[8]

What exactly Jesus said when he prayed for them, what exactly the angels did as they ministered unto the children, and what exactly the fire looked like – I don’t know – but it must have been an experience beyond any mortal’s ability to describe or express. I like to picture myself being present and eyewitness to these glorious events. I like to picture myself taking Ashton forward – in the broken and delusional state of mind[9] that tormented him the last several months of his life – to be healed by Jesus. What joy this thought brings to this father’s broken heart! What comfort it brings me to know that that is exactly what has happened as Ashton is in Jesus’ loving and understanding presence even as I write this post – healed in every whit from those delusional afflictions he suffered in mortality.

As I recently read these passages of scripture, I said aloud to myself, “I choose to believe that!”[10] When an interviewer asked President Gordon B. Hinckley if he really believed, he promptly responded, “Yes, sir. That’s the miracle of it!”[11] What a concise response! I agree wholeheartedly as I express my belief in these passages: Of course I believe it! Isn’t miraculous?!

Religion has been called “opium of the people.”[12] I have never used opium, but I have seen the beneficial effect of one of opium’s derivatives, morphine, in relieving pain and suffering in my own patients. Faye recently had sinus surgery. I stood by her side in the post-operative area and helplessly watched the facial grimace from pain melt away when the nurse gave her some intravenous morphine.  It was a relief for me to know we are blessed to have medications that can so quickly relieve the suffering of someone I love dearly. For me, the differences between opium (or morphine) and my spiritual beliefs is that a) the drugs only have a temporary effect and b) the drugs can become addicting. In contrast, my spiritual beliefs have brought me lasting peace and comfort. Used as God intended, religion can have a profound, lasting, positive change on the individual, who can then allow God to work through him to bless society.

I thank God, the Eternal Father, for the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ![13] What peace and comfort these bedrock beliefs have brought to me in the midst of my pain and suffering. I pray that this suffering and broken heart will lead to lasting change that God would want to see occur in my life.

Written by Carter

[1] Bible Dictionary and The Guide to the Scriptures

[2] https://www.lds.org/church/leader/dallin-h-oaks?lang=eng

[3] Deseret Book

[4] Adding HOPE

[5] Matthew 21:16

[6] “I Know That My Savior Loves Me” (It’s especially touching for me to see the painting of a child looking up at Jesus just after the song in this reference.)

[7] 3 Nephi 11: 9-15

[8] 3 Nephi 17: 5-25

[9] Ashton’s Mental Health Journey, Part 3 of 4

[10] “Choose to Believe” by Elder L. Whitney Clayton

[11] “60 Minutes’ Mike Wallace & President Gordon B. Hinckley,” YouTube video

[12] Karl Marx quote (in context)

[13] First Article of Faith