Monthly Archives: October 2016

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Service and Healing

     We had a lesson on service in our church meetings today. They showed a video called “Lift” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAuqdPWTGLI). It is about a church group of 40-50 men who helped a lady with MS get into bed…every night…for 7 years. One of the men they interviewed said something about how we need to focus on ourself to heal physically; we need to focus on others if we want to heal spiritually. That was profound! And so true! I confess that one of my motives for serving a mission in Peru starting in April is to help me heal from Ashton’s death…as I serve others.
     During the lesson, the teacher asked who would be willing to share how they have been blessed by service. I was overcome with emotion as I thought of all the people who reached out to us when Ashton died. Those acts of service just kept coming…and coming! I needed that! Thank you, everyone, for your love and thoughtfulness.
     I also thought of my Grandma Amy, who was one of my first examples of service. For some reason, I stayed with her for part of a day when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. I remember going to the cemetery, where she painstakingly cared for the graves of her parents; she did this regularly. I think it was on the way home from one of those cemetery visits that we stopped to visit Mrs. Campa, a blind lady who lived in St. David. To a little boy, it seemed like the visit would never end! And it smelled funny in there! But those acts of service left an impression on that little boy now grown older.
     In our church, every man…with a companion…is assigned to watch over a group of families. They are called “home teachers;” they are every member’s first place to turn in the Church when a need arises. As I have home taught over the years, I have been amazed at how often I DON’T want really want to go on a visit to my assigned families…but, when I’m done with the visits, I’m even more amazed at how much BETTER I feel! Service is healing!
     Yesterday, there was a clean-up project at Quiburi Mission Nursing Home in Benson, AZ. It was amazing how much we got done in a short period of time…and how nice it was to serve alongside other good people in the community…and how good I felt during the project and after I was done!
     Written by Carter
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How’s Ashton?

     My sister, Wendy, asked me a few months ago, “I ask about your other children, but wondered how you think Ashton is doing?” That was a very thought-provoking question that helped me clarify some of my feelings and beliefs.
     In answering this question, I have to be careful to not imply that I think all of Ashton’s problems have been resolved by his decision to take his own life — I do not. Suicide is NEVER the answer to the difficulties we face in our lives. Life is sacred. We are created in the image of God. He has shared with mankind the ability to CREATE life — and even that gift is to be used only between husband and wife, legally and lawfully married. On the other hand, God has forbidden us from ENDING human life. Of course, there are exceedingly rare situations (for example, self defense or wartime) where that may be necessary, but, for the vast majority of us, it is NEVER appropriate to end a life. Only God has that authority.
     Having said that, “How is Ashton?” There are MANY things that I just do not know. A couple of them is exactly HOW Ashton is doing or WHAT he is doing. I have some ideas, but I just don’t know. What I DO know is that I choose to believe. I choose to trust God and His Perfect Plan for ALL His children…including Ashton. I trust God’s righteous judgment…including His judgment of Ashton. He knows SO much more about Ashton — and EVERYTHING else — than I do!
     I appreciate Wendy asking that question. It might have been easier to “skip” over Ashton when asking how our children are doing…for fear that asking about Ashton might evoke grief and anguish. Well…I can only speak for me, but the grief and anguish are ALWAYS present; sometimes it’s just more at the surface than at other times. Asking about Ashton is actually healing for me. It’s healing to know that others are thinking about Ashton and thinking about us as we grieve our (temporary) separation from him.
Written by Carter
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Peru Mission Letter

This is a letter I sent to my patients recently. I thought I’d share it on the blog, also:

10/5/16

Dear Patient,

My wife, Faye, and I are excited to announce that we will serve an 18-month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Peru from April 2017 through October 2018. We will be overseeing the health and safety of several hundred full-time missionaries there; my official title will be “Area Medical Advisor.” We also hope to participate individually in inviting others to come unto Christ.

Please be assured that San Pedro Family Care, PLC (SPFC) is already making every effort to make your transition to another provider in our office as seamless as possible. I have confidence in the other current providers in our office; my family and I have seen them ourselves for some of our medical care. Andy and I have some candidates in mind for possible providers to cover my patients while I am gone; we don’t have details at this point, but will update you as we know more. I hope that you choose to continue to receive your medical care in our office. However, I understand that some of you may choose to transfer your care to another office; if that is the case, please notify us and we will send your records to that office.

Thank you in advance for your support and understanding as Faye and I embark on this opportunity to serve in a different capacity. We have looked forward to this opportunity since even before we married 33 years ago.

You may know that our son, Ashton, died from suicide in January 2014; I can’t put into words the gratitude I feel for the love, support and prayers that many of you offered in our behalf. Your compassion is helping me to heal from indescribable grief. Again, thank you. Thank you. Ashton’s death has prompted us to re-evaluate our priorities and has been a catalyst for this service in a different capacity.

It has been a privilege to serve as a physician in the San Pedro Valley for 18 years now. My current plans are to return to SPFC in October 2018. After that, I plan to continue to practice at SPFC for about another 12 years (until 2030). I don’t have details at this point, but those 12 years will probably be interspersed with some other missions. Faye and I would like to serve while our health still permits; of course, none of us knows what the future may bring.

My career as a physician is very important to me, but so is my sense of obligation to worship and serve God and His children. If missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knock on your door, I hope you think of me in Peru. If it feels right to you, I hope you also consider listening to the message that they will bring.

Thank you again for your support and for the privilege of being your physician.

Sincerely,

 

Carter Mayberry, M.D.

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Perfectionism

You may have noticed that I have not written for several months. Part of that, frankly, is because I have been overly-concerned about what others think about what I write. This is very raw and tender for me. I had a conversation recently with a friend about why I have not been writing lately. I told her about my self-consciousness. She was very encouraging, reminding me that I write some things that others need to hear — things that only I can write. Thanks, Heather, for that encouragement. I ask for your prayers in my behalf as I try to leave myself behind and see what I can do to help others. Paradoxically, as many of you know, that is where true joy is found anyway — in the service of others.
I recently read the quote that is attributed to several authors: “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly [sometimes the word “badly” is used] — until you learn to do it well.” That is something my perfectionistic heart and mind needs to hear; it is something I will try to remember as I write my blog posts.
I’m going to ramble a little now: I attended the funeral of Frances Louise Darnell Goodman yesterday. She is the mother of one of my best friends growing up. She also taught me for the last half of my fourth-grade year in school.
A few memories about Frances: Doctors are famous (or infamous) for their poor handwriting. I wonder if my teachers had an inkling early on that I might become a physician — because of my poor handwriting! I was always a good student. However, Mrs. Goodman would have the other students grade our spelling words — and mark them wrong if the letters were not made correctly. Wow! That caught my attention — and I slowed down to make the letters correctly! I’m afraid that I have regressed significantly in my handwriting since fourth grade!
Mrs. Goodman also helped with some of the Little League coaching when I was about 9 years old. I remember the care she provided when a grounder popped up and hit me in the mouth. She took me to her house and put some ice on my swollen lip.
When I was about in sixth grade, I was assigned to an “advanced” group in one of the subjects. We did our work in the same classroom where some of the “challenged” students were taught. Mrs. Goodman wasn’t my teacher then, but, when she saw me in that classroom, she was very concerned about me; I still remember and appreciate her concern for my education.
Frances has been especially thoughtful since Ashton died. She attended his funeral and graveside service. She came to the luncheon afterward. When I would post my blogs, she would frequently give encouraging comments. I appreciated her love and encouragement.
One of the nice things about practicing medicine in my hometown is caring for people who helped raise me — like Frances. It was very rewarding to be her physician.
I think that’s all for now. Thanks for listening.
Written by Carter