Ashton playing Candy Land with nephew David

By profession, I am a family physician. My goal is to help my patients to heal from whatever malady they might have. However, my patients often also help me to heal. For example, two days ago, I received this email from a patient who is also a dear friend:

“Hello, Carter,

“We are writing to let you know that you are both in our prayers and our thoughts during these difficult weeks. As with our son [who also passed away in his 20’s], our thoughts often go to times of great enjoyment that we had with him. There are many, many of those. Without a doubt there are many such memories that you have with your son as well.

“May peace and blessings be with you in great abundance at this time.”

Thank you, dear friend, for helping me to heal as I remember that it was two years ago today that Ashton passed away.

With that backdrop, I have chosen to make today “Happy Memories of Ashton Day!” Would you like to join me? If this goes well, we may do this again next year – and maybe every year on January 28.

Here is my memory:

Ashton loved playing games – any type of game. It didn’t matter so much whether he won or lost; he just enjoyed playing. When Ashton was about 14, he and I stayed up on New Year’s Eve playing Lord of the Rings Risk. Ashton’s older brother, Jordan, went to a friend’s house to welcome in the new year. When he came home after midnight, we were still playing. I think we finished at about 1 a.m. I don’t remember who won. I just remember having fun with Ashton and knowing that he was having the time of his life!

Thanks for remembering with me!

Your turn!

Please consider sharing your favorite happy memory on the blog or on Facebook. Please also consider spreading the word through social media so others can share, as well. It’s OK to keep sharing memories over the next several days/weeks/months, too!

Thank you for helping us heal!

Written by Carter

This is a helpful post by Rhonda O’Neill from her blog, The Other Side of Complicated Grief.  She compares grief to climbing a mountain. I read this on a day when  moving forward up my mountain felt almost impossible. She wrote it just for me. Bless you, Rhonda….

Ashton on a mountain top in beautiful Fiji !

Conquering the Mountain of Grief

 “Grief can seem as unconquerable as Mt. Everest.
You have no climbing experience.
You aren’t sure that you’ll survive the elements.
Or, that you have the equipment required to safely climb the mountain.
Your very life is at stake.
You are overwhelmed and exhausted. You feel defeated.
How do you even begin the climb?
Courage.
Have the courage to keep moving, even though it feels like you’ll never make it to the top.
You don’t have to climb the mountain in one day, one year, or even ten years.
But, you do have to keep moving.
You didn’t set out to conquer mountains. You didn’t ask to be left out in the wild, uncontrollable elements of nature. But this is where you find yourself.
You CAN and you must climb this mountain, even though right now it might feel impossible.
Keep moving forward.
Courage and determination.
It feels like you’re alone on your climb, but you’re not
You have guides who have climbed this mountain before, who can share with you the best way to navigate its challenges.
Take one day at a time. One step at a time.
But, keep moving up the mountain.
Eventually, your perspective on the mountain will start to change, and you’ll see more clearly that what you thought was Mt. Everest, is actually a smaller mountain.
You realize that you can do this.
You still have times where the mountain again seems unconquerable, and you may need a day or two to regain your courage.
That is ok. That is part of climbing the mountain.
Climbing a mountain and overcoming grief are both processes that take courage, determination and time.
The journey isn’t about forgetting your loved one. That will never happen.
The journey is about honoring the love you shared and finding a way to get to the top of the mountain where you can experience joy in your life again.
You can learn to live again.
Don’t stay stuck half way up the mountain.
Grief is hard work.
But, you can make it to the top.
One step at a time.”
-Rhonda

Posted by Faye