Written by Faye on July 8, 2014
I have an appointment to order Ashton’s headstone today. I’m not sure how I feel about that. It needs to be done, but it sure seems final setting something in stone. Is he really buried there? The little grave marker says that’s him. The note attached to it from a friend is written to Ashton. The old UofA colored balloons, lifeless on the ground, suggest they were for Ashton. The flowers my friend said she put there on Memorial Day are still there. I do remember the graveside service. It was the dusty blue casket Candace chose for Ashton that was lowered down into that grave. I do remember my little granddaughter, Hannah, sitting next to me, inconsolable,  as the casket was lowered. It must have been Ashton in that casket. She adored him.

I do remember that Mayberry tradition …. men taking turns shoveling the dirt into the grave and filling it back up. I love that tradition. It gives the men who don’t let themselves cry have a way to get out their emotions. I do remember so many vigorously taking part in that, even some women and children.

I do remember a little niece asking for a flower from one of the arrangements. We went over to get one out and then all the children wanted one. Ok… let’s do it. I wanted them to be a happy. Then the sweetest little flower frenzy started and I let them go for it. They were having way too much fun! Did Hannah put that first flower in the dirt? I don’t remember… but the kids took over and  “Ashton’s Fiji Garden of Love”, as Hannah declared at the end, started taking shape. Our sad little graveside turned into a beautiful expression of love that only children can produce. I apologize to those who sent us those flower arrangements, but not really. You didn’t know you would be contributing to a beautiful memory for our family. The children stripped those arrangements clean! After the flowers were gone, they took the ferns too, which just added to the tropical look we now love in flowers.

I feel the need to attach a picture so anyone reading can smile and see. What should have been a sad, sad ending… was not. We all walked back to our cars a little less heavy hearted because of what we had just witnessed. Children are such a blessing.

Ok… here I go. Yes, Ashton IS buried there and he needs a proper headstone so we can find his grave easily and tell that story…..that story of the children and the flowers…Ashton’s Fiji Garden of Love.

Ashton’s Fiji Garden of Love

Kielee Shaye Miller

September 9, 2016

A sweet, young girl in our community took her own life yesterday. I am not going to lie….It has affected me profoundly. I’m actually wading through my own resurfacing, deeper grief……remembering…… knowing the place her parents, family and friends are in right now.  Writing always helps with the ‘wading’, so here I go.

I AM DETERMINED TO DO SOMETHING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Kielee Miller has beautiful, long blonde hair. She was one of the young women I taught at church a few years ago. She was friends with my son, Jacob. In my class she was mostly quiet and thoughtful, but when she did share she said some amazing things. I learned from her. I also saw that she struggled. I saw her sadness. I worried for her.

What do you do when you see that? What can we do when we notice someone is deeply struggling like that?

I’ve had some conversations with my daughter and my sisters this morning that have prompted some of this writing. I hope to be helpful and I hope to bring some awareness as September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day. I have permission from them to share their thoughts and stories.

In my daughter’s words:

“I felt really angry and frustrated at first…. And then I felt a huge rush of empathy. SHE DIED OF A SERIOUS DISEASE! It’s like we still haven’t found a cure for everyone… And even still some people still die from it. Like cancer, in my mind. I don’t want to minimize the pain of it for the survivors AT ALL. We know the pain…..But thinking of it that way not only helped ME get the help I needed but took away the shame and stigma for me. I hope that would help others understand some.”

My daughter, Candace, struggles with mental illness. If you were to see her now, she looks like a normal woman with a smile for everyone. She has had thoughts of death and suicide as she has been seeking help for her mental illness.

She says: “I think people need to know that NORMAL people can have those thoughts. Those that you can see the pain, but also those you would never think could, and seem to be perfectly fine .”

So what do to? How to help? Remember the meme that we see and hear so often?

“Be kind… Everyone is fighting a hard battle.”

It is the absolute truth!!! All of us are struggling with SOMETHING!

My sister Diane is making a difference. She said: “Who can we help today so that doesn’t happen tomorrow?!?!  That’s my new thought process.  There’s too much sadness that can be prevented. It’s a reminder to me to get out of my own problems and think of others.  We just need to say a kind word to everyone & be genuinely concerned.   Saying hi goes a long way to someone who truly struggles.  It could keep them here one more day. I have been leaving notes for random people who I feel are struggling.   I send a message with uplifting quotes or pictures.  I try to do one a day.”

I realize that there are some we won’t be able to reach with just kindness, but there are SO MANY that we CAN reach!

If you are struggling with thoughts of death or suicide please hear my friend Ashley Dewey’s words:  “YOU matter! You matter to God. You matter to your family. You matter to your friends. You matter to strangers. You matter! Don’t forget that today! Maybe we all can be a little better at reminding each other.”

Yes, a village is weeping…..again. But in our tears let’s make an effort to do SOMETHING! We CAN be kind! We CAN lift each other with our kindness and genuine concern. BEING KIND CAN REMIND OTHERS THAT THEY MATTER!!!!!

Please do those things that will help YOU stay strong, mentally and emotionally, and help others do the same.

Thank you, Melanie Davis, for the phrase “A Village Weeps”. I will never forget those words on the day we lost our Ashton.

Written by Faye