We have a favorite spot up on Mt Graham. It’s peaceful there. We just got back from 4 days of peace and beauty.

We discovered this spot during the year after Ashton died. There’s a beautiful hike close to our campground. We picked and ate the plentiful wild raspberries then that grew along the trail, and came upon 2 owls in a tree close to the trail as we returned back to the campground at dusk. We and the owls just looked at each other for awhile before they flew off. They were beautiful. It was magical.

This time… we found a few small ripe raspberries again, I searched for heart rocks to take back home with me…noticed lots of colorful fungi growing through the bark of the blackened trees, and searched for the vanilla scented bark of the Ponderosa Pine. 

We also got to witness a stunning view of the Gila Valley.

There were no owls this time… maybe that was a once in a lifetime sighting.

There has been a fire in this area since we last camped here. It’s noticeable… but I also noticed that there’s still beauty and peace in the new growth among the blackness. For some of the bigger trees I noticed the blackness at the base where the fire tried to harm but couldn’t catch hold. The tree still stood straight and tall and healthy. It looked well and at peace despite the deep colored scars.

That’s what I want…peace and wellness despite the scars of life I’ve acquired. Don’t we all have some? How do you handle your scars? Do you search for peace like I do? I’m sure we all have different searchings…ways of coping and healing.

Me…I have a never ending search for peace.

I’ve found my hope though…My Savior gives me that. I love Him deeply for it.

Written by Faye

At the beginning of summer a friend offered me some thornless blackberry starts.

I don’t plant right now.

But I wanted to plant again.

So I took them.

Hoping.

They sat for awhile in some old buckets on my porch. I watered them to keep them alive and looked at them as I passed by. I really wanted to try planting something again and the desire kept coming.

After a few days, I cleared a spot by the fence in our old garden plot and I planted.

I planted blackberries! In my garden!

They needed care. So I was out every morning…watering…and then in the evening when the heat swelled higher.

I fed them too…and they grew.

I have felt that I have needed care lately…so I’ve been compelled to write again. It’s one way I’ve learned to care for myself. Circumstances in my life right now have led me here. It’s a form of healing for me. I wanted to leave this blog behind. It contains pieces of my broken heart that I don’t want to remember. 

But I always, deep down, remember. 

As much as I’ve tried…it’s hard to leave one of my children behind. How does a mother even do that? Ashton exists all over this blog.

I haven’t planted anything or worked out in our yard in who knows how long… 10 years? The ten years after Ashton died at least. We divide our life right now into two phases…before Ashton died and after Ashton died.

This planting has been healing for me too. These blackberries want to live. If I neglect them or ants come and strip one of the plants, which really did happen, they come right back and start growing again when they get the care they need.

Ashton tried to live… he worked long and hard at it.  But in the end he didn’t want to live…he couldn’t do it. It’s healing for me to take care of a living thing that WANTS to live.

I’ve been planted on this earth… by a God who waters and feeds ME… or really tries to if I let Him. My life is so much more peaceful when I let him.

I can’t live life on this earth without Him. I need His Heavenly help and guidance in every facet of my life…In my daily earthly doings, in my relationships, in navigating the hard, in the blessing I desire to be for others. 

But especially in taking care of myself. 

Planting this writing here is part of my self care. Thank you my Heavenly Father for guiding me here again. I already feel like I’m starting to grow back to the peace I need.

Written by Faye