My feet have connected with Sybil Road again…the quintessential walking spot in my part of Saint David.

It’s a big deal.

For me.

I’ve been wanting to do that for the 2 years since we’ve been home. And for I don’t know how many years before that. Well…I do know how many years. Almost 10.

The first time, I didn’t walk very far down… but I walked… and felt the significance of being out there again. My friend/neighbor Raquel was with me. It’s partly her fault I was there. I saw on Facebook that she had started walking and I kept getting the nudge to ask her if I could walk with her. The nudge would not leave me…so I messaged her, “I saw that you have been walking. Do you need a walking partner?” 

SHE SAID YES! 😃

We haven’t been able to walk together since that first time. I think she was the blessing I needed to just get out there. Thanks Raquel! 😘

Sibyl Road is amazing when you’re walking on it!

Driving on the road, in my usual hurried state, I don’t notice all the connections I have with God. My series of walks have helped me notice those little beauties of this part of the earth I live on. Slowing down on these walks, helps me notice.

THE SHADE… I drink it in on those late summer mornings.  

I walk by a friend’s home where I know there is struggle and illness… and I whisper a silent prayer for them.

I run into friends I haven’t chatted with in a while. It feels good to connect.

This morning the irrigation ditch was running. I could hear the trickling water sounds a few feet away by the road.

I pass pecan orchards on each walk that have been passed down from father to son…connecting the generations of my husband’s family.

Inspiration for other writings come. I whip out my phone and dictate.

It’s SO NICE to be outside again. Mentally and physically… it feels so good!

It’s a beauty I have missed and I love how it connects me to my Creator.

Bringing more peace and unexpected patience as I wait on this earth for promised connections with Ashton.

Written by Faye

Everything is going to be Ok.

I heard that phrase 5 different times in a series of church meetings I attended recently.

I read…You’re going to be Ok…last week in an email from my nephew who is starting his mission, serving in Central America.

And it’s something I tell others when I feel they need to hear it.

You’re going to be Ok.

I used to “hear” those words from Ashton after he left us.

When I was desperately trying to survive.

“Mom, you’re going to be Ok.”

And I was… and I am.

Whenever I hear it or say it now, I call it, “Quoting Ashton.”

Those words… calm me.

They soothe my heart in doubting times.

Those simple words bring hope.

To quote something I wrote in March of 2017 before leaving for Peru: “He (Ashton) can strengthen when a struggle comes along and I will hear the familiar voice in my mind, ”Mom, you’re going to be OK.” He can still be with us, no matter where we are and what we are doing. Still my son, but now my faithful friend and quiet, calming companion.”

Because of Jesus Christ and trusting in his promises…

I KNOW that I and Ashton and everyone and everything will be Ok. 

Written October 1, 2023 by Faye

Picture: Ashton, age 8 or 9, with Carter and older brother Jordan

My name is Faye. My son Ashton died by suicide on January 28th, 2014. He was 21 years old.

That is what we say at the Suicide Loss Survivors Support Group in Tucson. It’s been 2 years since I’ve been there. The first time I needed to say that, I couldn’t. Carter said it for us. I realized later that I need to say it too, for myself.

It’s a very hard but healing thing to say.

They went to Zoom during the pandemic while we were in New Zealand. One blessing of the pandemic. And a blessing for us to still attend while we were gone.

Every suicide affects me.

When it’s someone I know… it really affects me.

When it’s 3 in 2 months of families that I know and care for… it’s been heavy.

Heavier than I’ve felt in years.

So heavy…it doesn’t leave.

That’s why I’m back speaking those words. With people who hear me. With those who understand the suicide part. With others of this earth who love a beautiful soul like Ashton.

It was good to be there… feeling heard and seen in my grief.

Thanks be to God for hearing and seeing me. I know He knows me. I know Heaven is aware of my struggle.