I love Ashton. I miss him. But there is something humbling about having a front row seat in watching a mother’s love in action as Faye grieves Ashton’s death.
I am the seventh of nine children; Faye is the second of ten. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) often have larger-than-average families. When I was in medical school, I had a conversation with one of my instructors that somehow turned to my family. I was married and had two children — a girl (Candace) and then a boy (Jordan). The instructor said, “So…you have one of each; you’re done, right?”
At that time, Faye was struggling with severe clinical depression. We didn’t know if she would be ABLE to have any more children. Fortunately, with the help of many others and by the grace of God, the depression abated enough that Faye had what she calls her “window of wellness.” About five years after Jordan was born, we decided we could care for another child. We had moved to Rockford, Illinois for my Family Medicine residency training. Faye’s pregnancy was difficult at times. Early on, she was admitted overnight to the hospital for vomiting and dehydration. She also suffered from homesickness. Her sister, Martha, was in high school and flew out to spend Christmas with us. A few months later, Faye flew home to Arizona for a few days. I took some time off from my training and developed an increased appreciation for how difficult it was to stay home and care for two young children! Despite the difficulties, Faye was beautiful and glowing during her pregnancy — as she was during all her pregnancies.
Since we had a girl, then a boy, we somehow thought our next child would be another girl — so we didn’t have any boy names picked out. I had recently heard Marvin J. Ashton speak. He was an Apostle in the Church and someone I admired greatly. We wanted our new son to be inspired by his own name and by the life of a great man — so we named him “Ashton.” His middle name is “Richardson,” which is Faye’s maiden name — also a great name to inspire him throughout his life.
Ashton was very much loved and wanted. Faye enjoyed being the mother of a new baby again. Faye’s “window of wellness” was extended and, two-and-a-half years later, we had another son named Jacob.
Fast forward to Ashton being on his mission in Fiji. Faye was a diligent, weekly letter writer. She sent him a care package about monthly, containing uplifting notes, treats, and other things to brighten Ashton’s day. Ashton coming home five months early from his mission because of severe depression was very difficult for Faye; she was very concerned about him. I can’t imagine a more loving mother than Faye. She talked to Ashton. She listened to him — in the somewhat rare instances that he felt like talking. She fixed him healthy foods — and also bought him some treats that she knew he liked. Ashton was an apple maniac –particularly from an orchard in Willcox: he would often eat 5-6 per day! She would play games with him. Ashton liked to play games; Faye really didn’t –but she would play with him anyway. She would give him foot rubs and back rubs. She tried essential oils on him. She helped him get in to see a psychiatrist and a counselor. She initially helped him remember to take the medication; later, she helped him understand that he needed to remember to take it on his own. She gave him little jobs to do — to help him feel good about himself as he contributed around the house. She prayed for him. She went to the temple and put his name on the prayer roll. In short, she loved him.
I have made many decisions in my life, but the most important decision I ever made was to ask Faye Richardson to be my wife. I’m grateful for God’s guidance in making that decision. I will be eternally grateful that she believed in me enough to say “yes.” What a fantastic mother she has been and is! What a blessing she is to me and to our children! Faye is amazing! I love you, Faye!
*Thanks for reading. Please consider sharing, liking and/or commenting. There may be others who need to read this.
Written by Carter
What a beautiful tribute, Carter! I’m just catching up on your blog and really loved reading this post. Faye is a kind & diligent mother. I agree, it has been hard & humbling to watch a tender mother’s heart grieve the loss of her son. On the flip side it’s also been an amazing experience to watch both of you take your grief and turn it into loving & helping others. Its inspiring & I admire you for it, even though I’m sure it has not been easy. Love you both ♥️