Sneaker Waves… my aunt warned me about them. She said they could come when you least expect it.

We were visiting in a relatives home. They had THE CUTEST little 2 year old grandson who looked very similar to Ashton when he was that age. It made me happy to watch him run around and be cute.  I got to hold him and squish him…he let me. It was heaven…but it brought on some intense emotions that I thought were behind me. I was caught off guard. I thought I was over that kind of heartache.

Today, July 28, 2014, marks 6 months since Ashton died. I didn’t realize it until my daughter reminded me. At times I think I’m doing really well and will think to myself, “I can handle this, I’ve got this under control.” Then other times, like now, I wonder, “How can I ever get through this? Will I ever feel normal again?” Someone told me, “You just have to find a new normal.” I’m looking for that new normal. Haven’t found it yet. I am optimistic that it will come. I would like it to come soon, please.

I know that I have a Heavenly Father who is watching over me some way, some how. I don’t know how that works, but I know He does that. I know that He knows me and loves me. I am His daughter. I know that He sent his Son so I won’t have to feel this heartache alone. I know that I am never alone.

I’ve just experienced my first sneaker wave. More are coming, I’m sure, someday…and when the next one comes, I will not have to experience that one alone either.