Carter with baby Ashton ~ 9 months old

Thanksgiving this year was emotionally difficult for me: as the family gathered, I especially missed Ashton! I had several sobbing sessions. Because of how difficult that was, I made some plans to help me get through Christmas. Christmas wasn’t as hard as I thought it might be. Here are some things I think were helpful:

• I asked for some of my church “brothers” to pray for me. Their love and support provided a tangible lifting of my burden. I sent them an email thanking them for honoring the covenant – or promise – they made to God when they were baptized to “…bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light” (see footnote 1). I know there were many others who prayed for us and had us in their hearts. Thank you to our Facebook and Twitter followers and blog readers who are among those who prayed for us! We feel it! We need it! Please keep the prayers coming!
• I wanted to keep my mind, heart and hands busy – especially with things that would take my thoughts off myself and onto the needs of others. For example:
  • I joined some friends in singing Christmas carols at a local nursing home the afternoon of Christmas Eve.
  • Dr. Mayberry took the day off for Christmas, but Carter Mayberry visited the two patients in Benson Hospital. They were being followed by another physician for their medical needs, but I told them I was just visiting them as another human being. I happened to get there just before “Santa and Mrs. Claus” made their visits; their being there also cheered me!
  • I delivered some goodies to some widows and other friends in the community. I had a nice, brief visit with each of them at the door.
  • Having a routine is extremely helpful for me: I got to bed early, got up early Christmas morning, had a nice vigorous workout, ate a healthy breakfast, then shoveled some decorative rock (donated by a friend) into the back of the truck. That was a major workout! As I shoveled, I said aloud, “Ashton, I’m not angry with you. I know you did your best.” I humbly acknowledge Christ’s grace – His enabling power – which helps me “…be who [I need] to be and serve beyond [my] own capacity” (see footnote 2).
  • On Christmas afternoon, we went as a family and put the rock onto Ashton’s grave. It looks nice! Our granddaughter topped it off with a pretty, white flower!
• Christmas music was uplifting.
• Remembering the REAL reason for Christmas – Jesus Christ – was helpful.
• I re-memorized “The Living Christ, The Testimony of the [Living] Apostles” (see footnote 3). Wow! What powerful – and inspired – and inspiring – words they are! Memorizing them drives them deep into my heart!
• I received several texts Christmas morning letting me know that the sender was thinking of me. That meant SO much! God bless those good people for lifting me like that!
• We had a nice Christmas meal with my wife’s parents, with our daughter and son-in-law and their children and with our son and daughter-in-law and their newborn baby.
• Skyping with our son who is serving a mission in Spokane, Washington was an indescribably beautiful and peaceful experience! He looks SO good and happy and blessed and…and…(I can’t think of enough adjectives). I’m glad he’s where he is doing what he’s doing right now. He and our family are being blessed through his service. I don’t know exactly what Ashton is doing right now, but I like to think that part of his duties include helping his brother on his mission!
• The Saturday after Christmas, I relaxed with our daughter-in-law by putting a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle (a Christmas present) together that has 9 kitties on it. She LOVES kitties!
• Our son, his wife and their newborn baby stayed with us all week. It was sweet having a baby in the house again. It was even better that I didn’t have to get up with her in the middle of the night!
• My office staff gave me gift certificates to Barnes and Nobles Booksellers. For me, part of the experience is spending time in the bookstore: I inherited from my mother the LOVE of books! I loved browsing through all the different books. I have a difficult time making myself sit down and read a book, so I tend to “read” my books by listening to them as I drive. I felt drawn to two particular books on CD that seem appropriate to this season of grief: “Sometimes You Win – Sometimes You Learn: Life’s Greatest Lessons are Gained from Our Losses,” by John C. Maxwell (see footnote 4) and “The Gift of Adversity: The Unexpected Benefits of Life’s Difficulties, Setbacks, and Imperfections” (see footnote 5) by Norman E. Rosenthal, M.D. As I listen to them, I may gain some insights that I will share in future posts.

In conclusion, I’m grateful for the many ways that my burden of grief was made lighter during this holiday season. I humbly acknowledge my thoughtful friends and family members who helped. Most importantly, I humbly acknowledge the grace of God, through His Son, Jesus Christ, who paid the price for my sins, but also for my sorrows and personal suffering. “God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son!” (see footnote 6)

Footnote 1: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/18?lang=eng

Footnote 2: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/the-sacrament-a-renewal-for-the-soul?lang=eng

Footnote 3: http://jesuschrist.lds.org/testimonies-of-him/articles/the-living-christ-the-testimony-of-the-apostles-of-the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints?&lang=eng

Footnote 4: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sometimes-you-win-sometimes-you-learn-john-c-maxwell/1114319367?ean=9781599953694

Footnote 5: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-gift-of-adversity-norman-e-rosenthal-md/1113858318?ean=9780399168857

Footnote 6: http://jesuschrist.lds.org/testimonies-of-him/articles/the-living-christ-the-testimony-of-the-apostles-of-the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints?&lang=eng