This is a letter to my family from Sunday.
Dearest Family,
I have been missing Ashton especially acutely this week. Part of it may be the holidays and thoughts of getting together with family for Jacob’s wedding…and Ashton not being physically with us. Another part of it, though, I think was to help me prepare for my talk on The Plan of Salvation in Sacrament Meeting in the MTC this morning. I felt like I needed to talk about the hope and comfort that comes from the Atonement of Jesus Christ during some of the most difficult days in my life. Some of these missionaries have faced or are currently facing difficult times as well (if they haven’t yet, they most certainly will). They will encounter others (investigators, members, other missionaries) who are also facing difficult times. Certainly, adversity is one of the very purposes for our coming to this earth, to “…prove [us] herewith, to see if [we] will do all things whatsoever the Lord [our] God shall command [us].” President Eyring taught, “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.” We really don’t know what burdens others are carrying, but approaching them with this attitude will help us know how to serve them and to learn from them.
One of the other senior missionaries and I have gotten to be very good friends. These good friendships has been one of the un-anticipated blessings of serving a mission. He is the branch president of the English-speaking branch and I am one of his counselors. We have been going for a walk for about 5 minutes several times per day just so we are not sitting for prolonged periods. We have had some good chats during these walks. He has had some health concerns and I sometimes ask him how those are doing. Almost as an afterthought at the end of one of our walks, he asked me, “And how are YOU doing?” A little surprised, I said, “Well, funny you should ask. Physically, I’m doing well. However, emotionally, the last couple of days have been kind of rough as I have missed Ashton.” I think he was inspired to ask that question. We had a nice chat about that, also. He asked me something that has stuck with me: “How do you ‘plug into’ the Atonement of Jesus Christ during trials like this?” I hadn’t really thought of it in that light, but that is exactly what we have been trying to do as we have attended the temple, served in and out of the Church, prayed, read scriptures, fasted, partaken of the sacrament, etc., etc., etc. I am grateful for the power, peace and comfort that has come as I have done that. That comfort is very real.
My patriarchal blessing states, “I bless you…that the Heavenly Father will take care of you if you will put your trust in Him even though reverses and obstacles and heartaches come to you you should learn to accept them in all humility and acknowledge that the hand of the Lord is in all things…put your trust in the Lord Jesus Christ…I bless you with faith in the Lord to follow Him, and to believe in Him, and to trust Him in all things.” This is a blessing given to me when I was 17. I had absolutely no idea what reverses and obstacles and heartaches would come to me…but the Lord did. Can I tell you with perfect confidence that I know exactly what will happen to Ashton in the Final Judgment? No. But I trust God. He has a Perfect Plan. That Plan includes a Plan for Ashton. One of Ashton’s favorite scriptures was 1 Nephi 11:16-17, when Nephi is receiving a vision from an angel: “And he [the angel] said unto me: Knowest thou the condescension of God? And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” There are many, many unknowns in this life. But there is also one constant: God loves His children. I love knowing that.
I have been reading the Isaiah chapters in the Book of Mormon in 2 Nephi, where Isaiah talks about barren lands being fruitful, etc.
- 2 Nephi 8:3 “For the Lord shall comfort Zion, he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving and the voice of melody.” As parents, we all have hopes and dreams for our children and the posterity that will come through them. Right now, it looks like Ashton’s “branch” of our family tree is a “waste place,” a “wilderness” and a “desert.” I am grateful for the knowledge, peace and comfort that comes from knowing that “No blessing will be denied the faithful.” I look forward to how the Lord will fulfill His part of the promise to “comfort [our] waste places,” “make [our] wilderness like Eden,” and [our] desert like the garden of the Lord.”
- 2 Nephi 8:22 “Thus saith thy Lord, the Lord and thy God pleadeth the cause of his people: behold, I have taken out of thine hand the cup of trembling, the dregs [the worst and lowest part part of something] of the cup of my fury; thou shalt no more drink it again.” I love knowing that Christ knows how I feel. He has experienced personally the depths of my grief. I don’t know how others feel in their trials…but I know Someone who does know.
I also love the imagery in 3 Nephi 10, where Christ speaks to those in Bountiful who were not destroyed when He was crucified. “…[How] oft HAVE I gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings and have nourished you. And again,…how oft WOULD I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings,…how oft WILL I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart.” I have watched mother hens protect their chicks. Pity the person (or animal) that tries to bother one of her chicks! She becomes very aggressive! I love thinking of how God is anxious to protect, nourish and comfort me!
I have heard it said that “God will not give us more than we can bear.” Well…yes, He does…all the time…if we try to bear it alone! He gives us (or allows us to have) trials that we cannot bear without the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted [my addition: “tried”] above that ye are able; but will with the temptation [my addition: “trial”] also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
I witnessed a small miracle this week: a missionary was diagnosed with cancer and was not expected to survive. He was brought to Lima for treatment and responded very well to the treatment. His cancer is in remission! Faye and I attended “Romeo and Juliet” ballet Friday evening. During one of the intermissions, a member approached me and asked what my mission was. I told him I was a physician overseeing the health and safety of the missionaries. He was there with the parents of this missionary whose cancer is in remission! He introduced us. We chatted for awhile. I hope I said something helpful for them. I just don’t think it was a coincidence that I “ran into” them at a ballet in Lima!
On Tuesday, there was a Christmas devotional at the MTC. Faye and I sang in a Senior Missionary Choir that sang “Silent Night” and “Still, Still, Still.” I thought we sounded good. Then Elder Godoy, the Area President, spoke to us. It was a nice evening.
On Thursday, Faye and I traveled to a children’s hospital in downtown Lima. We were going to meet the parents of a 9-month-old girl with multiple birth defects. It turns out that she was released from the hospital that day, so we didn’t get to meet them. However, we met with an LDS neurosurgeon, who may need to operate on her in the future. He was very gracious. He seems very competent and compassionate. I feel comfortable with her care in his hands. I think the major purpose for our trip was to meet him (rather than the parents).
Well, TTFN. I love you and am SO proud of you! Dad/Carter
hello and merry Christmas, im sorry you are still hurting. me too. from oct to now it is daily tears and pain..but your brother i see once a week and he helps me thr it for a bit.. i have done amazing service projects and still ache but i am thrilled someone got to hope this yr thr my efforts, which is basically God helping me. so, merry merry Christmas and a Happy new year. yours in kindness kathy