Heard

My name is Faye. My son Ashton died by suicide on January 28th, 2014. He was 21 years old.

That is what we say at the Suicide Loss Survivors Support Group in Tucson. It’s been 2 years since I’ve been there. The first time I needed to say that, I couldn’t. Carter said it for us. I realized later that I need to say it too, for myself.

It’s a very hard but healing thing to say.

They went to Zoom during the pandemic while we were in New Zealand. One blessing of the pandemic. And a blessing for us to still attend while we were gone.

Every suicide affects me.

When it’s someone I know… it really affects me.

When it’s 3 in 2 months of families that I know and care for… it’s been heavy.

Heavier than I’ve felt in years.

So heavy…it doesn’t leave.

That’s why I’m back speaking those words. With people who hear me. With those who understand the suicide part. With others of this earth who love a beautiful soul like Ashton.

It was good to be there… feeling heard and seen in my grief.

Thanks be to God for hearing and seeing me. I know He knows me. I know Heaven is aware of my struggle.

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7 thoughts on “Heard”

  1. Wow! I just want to give you a big hug and say something that can help. God loves all His children, the atonement of Jesus Christ is for them too, and for you! Thank you for your great example and reaching out. Isolation just makes things worst.

    With Shelly we focus on all the good she is. (Is because she still exists in the world of spirits).I try to do that with anyone that passes no matter how they died. Ashton is a very special person! He is loved, he was always loved, he will be always loved! Please do cry for him, please have hope. I pray this was a hug. With love,

    • Oh Alma…You are the best. ❤️ Carter and I really felt your hug. 🥲 You are so right, isolating does make the hard things worse. I love that you mentioned Shelly. She is our age and was in Carter’s class. She is a beautiful soul and is Carter’s good friend. Love to you are your good family.

  2. I’m glad you’re back so you can get the support you need right now. I’m sorry things are heavy. I love you 😘

  3. i love u dear Faye- i write in my journal after reading what u & your Carter write, i’m grateful for your witness. warmth to u always,

  4. I Love you Faye. Isolation is never the answer ( I’m finding that out for myself). Although I never had the joy and pleasure of meeting Ashton here on earth, I know that he is an amazing young man because so many really wonderful people love and miss him. I am sorry that you are feeling so heavy right now. I applaud the fact that you realized that you needed to get back out in a support group where you can hear as well as be heard. Sharing both your grief and the love.

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