Last Sunday, I sat in a Sunday School class where they were talking about  people in the Philippines who survived a typhoon. The person telling about the experience reported that the people responded to their concerns by saying, “We’re Ok.”

I’ve noticed that many people who have gone through some real struggles in their lives respond that same way when asked how they are doing,”I’m OK”. I find myself saying that exact same thing when someone asks me how I’m doing.  I’m not super. My son died 8 months ago. In fact, he took his own life. Some days I’m more OK than others. Some days I’m really not OK.

I think the term, ‘OK’, is a good middle of the road answer when asked that common greeting, “How are you?” I feel like I’m being truthful when I answer that way. I remember once when a good friend asked, ” Are you OK?”,  early on in the grieving time.  She could tell I had been crying. I answered truthfully, “No, I’m not,” and completely broke down. I can’t answer that way to everyone, but felt I could then. It was safe with her.

One of the definitions of OK in our old dictionary says: ‘All Right’. Hmmm…. Maybe OK  isn’t the right response for me. I’m not all right. But then again…. maybe it is the right response. I WANT to be all right. I PLAN to be all right. I’m just not there yet. Maybe saying that will help me get there. You know… wishful thinking?

I think there are many, many people in the world who are not all right, but still go about their day doing things they need to do, taking care of the people they need to take care of, doing the every day necessities that HAVE to be done. Maybe that’s how we get to be all right? Forging ahead and not wallowing in our struggles? Maybe we never get to be all right. Maybe we have to wait until our earthly existence is over to be all right.

I am a believer. I believe in a God I cannot see, though I can feel Him and see his majesty all around me. I believe He wants me to be happy.  I believe His great and wonderful plan was for me to be here. I could never make it through losing Ashton without  my Heavenly Father’s love… without His Son’s Atonement… or without His Holy Spirit to comfort and guide.

I believe my Heavenly Father knows I’m not all right. I believe he puts people, events, and words in my life, to help me… to help me feel peace and to help me have the hope that I WILL be all right. Because I believe this… I know I will be OK… even though I’m not all right.