I understand why some choose to drink or use drugs to get away from hard things. I understand that now.  I understand why some choose not to attend church anymore when things go wrong in their life. I understand. Drinking, using drugs and leaving the church are not an option for me. I already know where my joy lies. I already know where the light can be found. I already know. Just because a very hard thing happens does not mean I have to leave what gives me joy and brings the light in my life. I will feel it again.

For some reason I am reminded of THE day when I found him… when I found Ashton and I knew his spirit was gone. I remember that I said, “Oh, Ash…”,  I called 911 and then stayed with him, and talked to him, so he wouldn’t have to be alone like that. I remember the feeling I felt. I knew I had heavenly help that day. God was sending His love and peace to help me through it. He didn’t leave me then and I know He won’t ever leave me. That’s just how He works. If anyone were to leave, it would be me. He is always waiting when we are ready to feel Him again.

I knew there is one thing that would help me.

Writing.

It always does.

I couldn’t wait til I could sit down and write. Writing takes my grief and absorbs it. It feels like the grief literally gets pulled out of me and into the paper or computer. My grief of this day is in this writing. It’s tucked away in every letter and sentence and punctuation mark. I sigh as I write this… feeling that release… so grateful that I can do this….that I can write. That I have a way to escape this burden today.I STILL know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me. I STILL know that. He’s the one who prompts me to write and helps me do it.

Written by Faye