One Thing I Would Do Different

I have always been the one behind the camera in our family. It’s a comfortable place to be. I enjoy taking pictures, especially of our children. That’s one thing I’m glad I did.  Pictures of Ashton are priceless now…….every single picture of him is a treasure.  We have a lot of them because I took them.

Recently, a long time friend asked me…. cautiously….”Is there anything you would do differently?”

I have thought and thought about that. She did caution me to be gentle with myself. Thank you for asking.

I have been looking at pictures of Ashton. There are loads of pictures documenting his life. Many, many with his siblings. Quite a few with his dad. I really wish there were more of him…. and me.

I wanted to be sure, so I took down his photo albums again and started turning the pages. It was a tearful time, looking through that album in search of me and not finding myself there. I am his mother… but there is a handful of newborn pictures and only one more of me with him in all those pictures. I did a whole lot more with that boy that just give birth to him!

Ashton & Mom

Ashton and Mom – 1 hour old

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Ashton and Mom – 8 years old

What would I  do differently? One big thing is:

I would get out from behind that safe spot in back of the camera and get in those pictures with my children! 

In choosing what I wanted to do differently, I decided that I want to choose those things that I can do something about now. I had some things on my list that I could do nothing about anymore. Choosing to concentrate on them would have been a waste of time, energy and tears. I took them off the list. In fact, I don’t really have a list anymore. It wasn’t helpful.

(My friend’s reminder to be gentle was key)

I can choose now which side of the camera I want to be on.

So…. here is my beginning. I started last Saturday.

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Jacob and Mom – Hike behind Kartchner Caverns – February 27, 2016

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We went on a hike with Jacob, and I had Carter take a picture of us. My face is more round than I want it to be. My hair is in a ponytail, whispy and windblown. I don’t have any makeup on. It’s not perfect or professional. But we had a great time together! That hike was documented and I was there…. with my son! That’s all that matters! Nothing else matters! I can’t go back and make that memory again. But I have that picture of him…. and me. No perfect makeup or perfect number on the scale can take the place of that. It just doesn’t matter anymore.

Written by Faye

 

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2 thoughts on “One Thing I Would Do Different”

  1. Love, happiness, and sharing doesn’t need makeup, nor chisled face. We are human beings of love and don’t require those Hollywood perfections with makeup, lighting. Love and memories are what count.
    When Malcolm was in the hospital with 5 different surgeries all that mattered to me was his happiness and comfort, did not care about my hair nor makeup at all.
    At this time Malcolm is gone for 10mos due to colon cancer and I find it difficult to look at pictures without complete breakdown. So at this moment in time all pictures are out of sight. FRIEDA

  2. You stated what ‘you would do differently’ so beautifully. And you are beautiful with or without makeup…as well as beautiful inside, especially with the way you relate to everyone. I love you, Frances Goodman

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