Drawing of Ashton by his sister-in-law Rubi.

Ashton died at around 11 am on Tuesday, January 28, 2014. I like to think of that as the time that he became an angel – to help soften the blow when I think of his death. This Wednesday will be the one-year anniversary of “Ashton’s Angel Day.” Faye, Candace, Jordan, Rubi and I all met a couple of weeks ago to discuss how we can best memorialize our beloved son and brother.  Jonathan was watching their children so the rest of us could have a productive discussion. From past experience, the days leading up to an event – Fathers’ Day, for example – have often been more difficult for me than the actual day itself.  I often remind myself that grief is normal and healthy when I’m missing someone I love dearly. However, I think I am also learning some things that are helping me “get through” some of these rough spots.

Maintaining somewhat of a routine is helpful for me. Some of that may be because it gives my brain (and heart) a track to run on. It’s familiar territory that I have covered before – some of the routines I have done many, many times. For example: I get to bed at a reasonable hour so I am rested when the day begins. I study God’s Holy Word in the scriptures. It’s helpful for me to be reminded of eternal truths that are withstanding the test of time and circumstance. The world has changed and will continue to change, but truth is truth; it will not change. It’s re-assuring to me that some things do NOT change. God does not change, nor does truth, which emanates from Him. I push my body with a strenuous physical workout. This is therapeutic for me as I give my body the exercise it needs and deserves. I eat a healthy breakfast, nourishing my body with the “premium” fuel it also needs and deserves. I chat in prayer with my loving Father in Heaven. I thank Him for His bounteous blessings. I tell Him about things that are important to me. I strive to sense from Him what He wants me to feel is truly important. I can tell Him anything and ask Him for anything, realizing that He knows what’s in my best interest. Faye and I read a few verses in the scriptures together and pray together. Sometimes we will sing a children’s hymn together – a reminder that God loves little children and that He wants us to be humble and submissive to Him – like little children are.

This Wednesday, we will kneel in prayer as a family at around 11 am, about the time Ashton became an angel a year ago. We want to thank Heavenly Father for the gift of Ashton’s life and for memories with him. We will ask Him to watch over Ashton and remind Ashton that we love him. We know that God loves Ashton; we will ask God to remind Ashton (and us) of His love for Ashton.  We are grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which heals all wounds and will make up for the injustices of life – including Ashton’s “broken mind” that led to his suicide.

We plan on making some goodies and delivering them to others who have lost a child. By thinking of others’ needs on a day when we will be grieving ourselves, we hope to lift their spirits and ours. If you have lost a child and we didn’t deliver goodies to you, we either didn’t know or forgot or became overwhelmed in our grief. Please forgive us.

Originally, we planned on NOT being home on Ashton’s Angel Day. However, we then realized that our grandchildren are grieving Ashton’s death, also; we wanted to include them in this memorial.  I have Wednesdays off already. Jonathan will take off work. Jordan, Hannah, David and Carter will take the day off school – so we can all be together. Grandma and Grandpa Richardson will be here, also. I hope Ashton will be here as our “guardian angel” to help comfort us. We will eat Baconators at Wendy’s; they were Ashton’s favorite fast food. Four days before Ashton died, he insisted on going into Walmart and buying some foam swords and the Candy Land board game for his nieces and nephews. On Ashton’s Angel Day, we hope to play with some of the last gifts he gave in mortality.

We are grateful for all of you who have been performing service as a way to remember Ashton. Thanks for being “Angels for Ashton”! Thanks for all of you who are remembering Ashton and reminding us that you remember him! God bless you! As I am filled with love and gratitude for each of you, I wonder if it is a small reminder to me of how God, our Father, might feel as we remember His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ?

Written by Carter