At the beginning of summer a friend offered me some thornless blackberry starts.

I don’t plant right now.

But I wanted to plant again.

So I took them.

Hoping.

They sat for awhile in some old buckets on my porch. I watered them to keep them alive and looked at them as I passed by. I really wanted to try planting something again and the desire kept coming.

After a few days, I cleared a spot by the fence in our old garden plot and I planted.

I planted blackberries! In my garden!

They needed care. So I was out every morning…watering…and then in the evening when the heat swelled higher.

I fed them too…and they grew.

I have felt that I have needed care lately…so I’ve been compelled to write again. It’s one way I’ve learned to care for myself. Circumstances in my life right now have led me here. It’s a form of healing for me. I wanted to leave this blog behind. It contains pieces of my broken heart that I don’t want to remember. 

But I always, deep down, remember. 

As much as I’ve tried…it’s hard to leave one of my children behind. How does a mother even do that? Ashton exists all over this blog.

I haven’t planted anything or worked out in our yard in who knows how long… 10 years? The ten years after Ashton died at least. We divide our life right now into two phases…before Ashton died and after Ashton died.

This planting has been healing for me too. These blackberries want to live. If I neglect them or ants come and strip one of the plants, which really did happen, they come right back and start growing again when they get the care they need.

Ashton tried to live… he worked long and hard at it.  But in the end he didn’t want to live…he couldn’t do it. It’s healing for me to take care of a living thing that WANTS to live.

I’ve been planted on this earth… by a God who waters and feeds ME… or really tries to if I let Him. My life is so much more peaceful when I let him.

I can’t live life on this earth without Him. I need His Heavenly help and guidance in every facet of my life…In my daily earthly doings, in my relationships, in navigating the hard, in the blessing I desire to be for others. 

But especially in taking care of myself. 

Planting this writing here is part of my self care. Thank you my Heavenly Father for guiding me here again. I already feel like I’m starting to grow back to the peace I need.

Written by Faye