Written by Carter.

While traveling in Fiji with our children in March, somehow the topic came up of how long I felt low last April (2023). I think it took 6 weeks before I started feeling consistently “normal” again. Nearly every morning, I would say to myself, “OK…is this going to be the day when I start feeling normal again?” Not much time would pass that day before the answer would be, “Nope!”

I then told our children about how Presidents Gibson and Judd (two of our local eccliastical leaders) offered me comforting words within 36 hours of each other, and independent of one another. I know (and knew then) that God knew my pain…but sending His current chosen leaders to comfort me was very healing for me.

Faye and I visited Candace and family in Sierra Vista with Cecil and Sylvia the Sunday after that, probably for David’s birthday. On the way home, I was able to express verbally how I was feeling…and I felt like Faye, Cecil and Sylvia listened with their hearts. I felt heard.

And it was after that that I started to consistently feel better.

When I shared this experience with our children in Fiji, I said something like, “I don’t know why it took so long for me to feel better. Perhaps it’s like the dissonance in a musical piece: it feels so relieving to resolve that dissonance with the chord our brain has been waiting for.” 

I had that thought (about resolving dissonance) at that very moment in the conversation. I believe the Holy Ghost was teaching me. I thought I’d better write this down before I forgot it.

A couple of more things that the “dissonance” of last April brought me:

A. When Jordan learned I was struggling, he flew out with their three children to be with me for Ashton’s birthday. That meant a lot to me! Having his physical presence while I missed Ashton was very comforting! We had a picnic in the orchard…which led to his wanting to move back to St. David when he separated from the Air Force!

B. I didn’t want to feel that low for that long again…so I started looking on the internet for men’s grief support groups…and found one through Eric’s House. I met with my group virtually for 10 weeks. All of the eight other men in the group had also lost a loved one to suicide or substance-abuse-related deaths. We all “got” what each other was going through. Faye and I met one of the group members, Bill, and his wife, Ellen, when we visited Rockford, Illinois in October. We visited Rockford because that’s where Ashton was born. That was a healing trip for me. Then a few weeks ago, I drove to Phoenix to meet several other group members for the first time in person. They were traveling together to a retreat in Sedona and we had lunch before they left. My low April from 2023 brought some very good men into my life. I treasure them and their insights and their love and support.

Once again, thanks for listening.