I grew up on a small family farm. We raised a few cows. When the calves were old enough to be weaned from their mother, we would separate them into separate pastures. The cow and calf would moo to each other for several days. It seems like that would stop within a week or so. We are approaching three years since Ashton died. I don’t think a day passes without my thinking of and missing him. Tears still come easily. My uncle had his right (dominant) hand amputated from a roping accident when he was 19 years old. He’s now 77. I asked him…somewhat in jest…”How long it takes a person to get used to losing his right hand?” He replied, “You’ll have to ask someone older than me; I’m still not used to it.” My uncle has learned to do many things without his right hand: he wears a prosthesis on that arm that he uses to hold electric clippers or a comb when working as a barber…which he has done since his 20’s. He learned to rope again. He has learned to function without his right hand…but he still misses it. No analogy is perfect, but I see some similarities with my missing Ashton: I am learning to adapt and accept…but I still miss him beyond my ability to express.

     This Thursday is Thanksgiving. The last two Thanksgivings have been difficult for me. Someone asked if it was hard for me to feel grateful; that’s not it; I am grateful to God for His mercy and His perfect plan…but Thanksgiving is a family day…and my entire family is not here on earth with me. Another friend asked me how my Thanksgiving was. I said it was kind of rough. He said, “OK. Let me rephrase the question: ‘How was your food on Thanksgiving?'” I think he was trying to be upbeat and cheerful…which I appreciate and probably needed. However, I’ve also learned that there are some people who are not ready to hear the answer to, “How are you doing?” And that’s OK. I don’t resent that or them. I just have to give the obligatory “Fine” response in those situations.

     My goal for this Thanksgiving is to be prepared to have as much fun and to be as playful as I can at a family member’s home as we enjoy the day together. I certainly don’t want to be a “downer” for anyone else who is trying to enjoy the holiday. Please pray for me in this endeavor.

     Faye and I were asked to speak on Gratitude in our congregation today. However, it turned out that someone else was already scheduled to speak…so we have been postponed to next week. I confess that I dreaded speaking today. Again, I’m very grateful to God and His Son, Jesus Christ. However, whenever I talk about what I am grateful for: to know that “Families can be together forever” and that Ashton is my son through the eternities, my emotions overcome me, I cry and I have a hard time speaking. Sometimes it gets worrisome crying in front of others. I think it’s probably awkward for them.

     One of my favorite authors is Ashleigh Brilliant, who writes epigrams (a pithy saying or remark expressing an idea in a clever and amusing way). I have adapted one of them for my circumstances: “Please put your [grief] away; it’s making me too sad.” I think it’s probably tiresome for some to hear of my grief…and that’s OK. As a physician, I try to walk the balance between (metaphorically) tearing the bandage off every 5 minutes to see how the wound is doing versus covering it up and pretending it’s not there.

     Thanks for listening to my ramblings; writing this has been therapeutic for me. God bless you and I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving!

     Written by Carter