Ashton ~ Age 10

I found myself teary the other day as I was driving, thinking of the kindness that has been show to us since our Ashton died.  There are so many good, kind people around us. I realized that these tears were not tears of grief. They were different. They felt different. I starting thinking of tears and the many kinds of tears that come to me.

The tears of that day were of feeling loved and remembered. Grateful for kindness. Those doing the loving and remembering don’t have to, they are choosing to. My heart overflowed and then… so did my eyes. It’s interesting how the eyes overflow… how God made the eyes to be the well where tears are drawn.

“The kindness of others pours healing balm into our own wounds.”
D. Todd Christofferson

I believe that. I have felt that. I need that healing balm right now. I can’t do all the healing on my own.

There are other tears… tears that come when I feel the help and comfort from God. These are also tears of gratitude. Sometimes they are overwhelming. They come from deep within… where I know God’s light is. It comes up and out sometimes when I let it. When I let my soul feel His love for me. Those tears come when I feel His Holy Spirit tell me that I am not alone… that I have help… that I will never be alone.

And… of course…. there are the tears of grief that come on days and times when I feel Ashton’s physical absence. When I realize he will never be with us again in this life. Those tears  come from deep within my heart. The heart that loved him so… the heart that still loves him… the heart that will never stop loving him. It’s the heart that hurts when the tears from intense grief come. Those are the tears that have to come sometimes, even when I’m not ready for them. They come because there is love in this world. That’s what grief really is…it’s our whole being…body and spirit… remembering that we loved and still love. These tears don’t come as often as they used to. Time has been a friend to that.

I cannot write about tears without acknowledging the tears of my husband. He doesn’t cry as often as I do, but when he does… missing his son… it’s heart wrenching. I CAN say, it is a blessing for a marriage to share tears together.

It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Maybe when the soul overflows with emotion, happy or sad, the windows have to open up and let that emotion flood out.

Tears…they come with great happiness and sadness.

God gave them to us for a wise purpose, I’m sure.  Maybe he gives then to us so we can rely on Him more often. Maybe he gives them to us so we will remember that we need Him. I DO need Him. All my tears remind me that I need Him more than ever.

Written by Faye