Written by Carter

I enjoyed snorkeling more than I thought I would: we borrowed some equipment from Aroha Beach House Bures and snorkeled in the bay right in front of our bure (“boo-ray,” with the accent on the last syllable)! It was beautiful with all the little fish and other sea creatures of different colors and sizes. We stayed in the shallow water, with coral reef under us. The next day, we visited a pearl farm and snorkeled again…and again had a beautiful experience! One of the creatures our guide showed us was a sea cucumber. It was about 18 inches long and about 6 inches in diameter! It was also interesting to learn how pearls are made.

It was fun to play games as a family; Ashton would have had a great time — and probably would have won most of the games! The games provided a nice background for us to just visit and enjoy each other’s company.

I prayed that my parents and Ashton would be granted a “hall pass” from the Spirit World to be with us on this trip. I did not specifically feel their presence, but I felt like they were somehow aware of and maybe participated in our activities.

Before we left for Fiji, Faye was worried about our trip. She “heard” from Ashton, “There are a lot of people here who are aware of your trip. They are ready to help you, strengthen you and protect you. You’re going to be okay.”

I’m grateful for Jonathan’s, Rubi’s and Gracia’s encouraging their spouses (Candace, Jordan, and Jacob, respectively) to go on this trip with us. I’m also grateful for those who helped them with their children: Candace’s children are old enough that Jonathan needed minimal help from his mother. Rubi’s mother, Miriam, flew in from Dallas to help Rubi with their children. I think they had a nice time together. Gracia’s cousin came to help Gracia with Jacob Antonio. 

It has also been gratifying to hear from people who read Candace’s Facebook posts. My cousin, Lance, said at least twice, “Tell Candace thank you for posting all that! I felt like I was on the trip with you!”

Candace’s FB posts I think helped others heal along with us. I commented to Lance and his brother, Zack, “Ashton is our son and we are grieving his death…but there are many others who knew and loved Ashton who are grieving along with us. I think this trip helped all of us as a family and community to heal.” Ashton helped Zack with construction on someone’s guest house after his mission. Zack said he helped frame the walls, hang and tape sheetrock and with the electrical. I appreciate Zack’s efforts to help Ashton transition to being home from his mission because of his mental health. I think they grew close to one another during the time they worked together.

From Taveuni, we then traveled to Suva, the capital of Fiji. While there, we spent some time with Adi (pronounced “Andi”) and her family. Ashton had spent a lot of time in their home when they lived in Ba, another city in Fiji. She told us that Ashton called her and her husband “Mom” and “Dad” (“Nana” and “Ta” in Fijian) when he was in their home. Adi said that is not common there, but they allowed him to call them that because he was good to their kids, so she always treated him as if he was one of them. That was very touching for me! 

Adi named her now-9-year-old son (the last of her 9 children) “Ashton.” I felt Adi’s and her husband’s love for Ashton when I learned that; that touched my heart! I call their son “Fiji Ashton.” He is often asked why his name is Ashton. I’m not sure what he says, but he has now met his namesake’s family!

We had Easter dinner with Adi and her family. Her husband asked us to take a photo of our children…and placed his son, Ashton, where our son, Ashton would have been in the sibling order! That was sweet!

One of Adi’s daughters, Jessianna, is now 14, so she was 3 when Ashton was there. She came with Adi to the house we rented to meet us. I asked if Jessianna has any memories of Ashton.…she remembers a little about when he would come to their home and play with her and her siblings. I wonder if that helped her want to come with her mother to meet us…since Ashton had such a special gift of interacting with children!

When Adi told us about when she learned of Ashton’s suicide, she told us that she said, “Elder Mayberry?! Elder Mayberry?! Elder Mayberry?!” She was in stunned disbelief at the news…just as all the rest of us were. When I told one of my brothers this story, he said, “Yes, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that!” Yes, there are some things that I still do not understand and have chosen to trust God. I know He understands…and that’s good enough for me for now. Someday He will help me understand.

God’s hand was involved when we attended the Suva Temple: we attended a session mostly with people from Kiribati, another island nation where my parents served part of their mission! We met a woman from Kiribati in the patron housing area. She and her husband were being sealed to each other and their children on the current temple trip. She works in the tourism industry. I hope to visit Kiribati someday; she may be a resource for our making that trip. She and Faye are now “friends” on Facebook; Faye will contact her if/when our plans to visit Kiribati materialize.

While in the temple waiting room, I struck up a conversation with another couple from Kiribati. The man served as a young missionary in his home country at the same time my parents were in Kiribati. I don’t think their paths crossed then, but he recognized some of the missionaries in the photos Candace (thankfully) had on her phone! The woman and Faye are now also Facebook “friends.”

I listened to the Rob Gardner song this morning (4/14/24), “Sometime We’ll Understand.” What a beautiful message that song has! What beautiful music! A friend shared that a word he has struggled with is “faith.” He has learned to substitute the word “trust,” which has been helpful for him. “Trusting God” has been foundational to my healing journey.

I taught the lesson in priesthood meeting today (4/14/24), using Elder Renlund’s talk from October 2023 general conference, “Jesus Christ Is the Treasure.” I felt like I should share the experience where Elder Renlund asked to meet with Faye and me when we were serving in Lima, and he said three times, “Your boy is fine!” The last time, he said, “I promise you in the name of the Lord that your boy is fine!” Later in the lesson I was teaching, I realized why I felt like I should share that experience as I remembered that Elder Renlund emphasized the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Ashton is “fine” not because he was a good boy/man (he was)…but because of the Atonement of Christ. The Atonement of Christ makes it possible for me to trust God!

Thanks for your love and support!