This post is for those who are grieving…. or if you have a family member or friend who is grieving, this is also for you if you would like to understand those who are grieving during the holidays.
The title of this post is not my own. It came from a book I am reading called, “Through the Eyes of a Lion” by Pastor Levi Lusko. He and his wife lost their 5 year old daughter. I have learned from his writings. The “Hurting With Hope Still Hurts” phrase rings so true with me!
I’m still learning this grief thing. I’m still learning that grief comes when I least expect it. I’m still learning that I have a lot to learn about grief. This is my second holiday season closer to Ashton. I thought…. hoped…. that this time would be a little better.
Nope. Not even.
I just read some articles by Rhonda O’Neill that sparked the writing of this blog post. She writes about grief. Her first article is what I have felt this past few weeks. Instead of trying to reformulate her words, I will post the links to the articles. They have been so helpful for me and have validated my feelings during this holiday time. Her writings have helped me realize that I am not crazy…. I’m grieving, and I am going to be OK again.
Getting Through the Fog of Grief during the Holidays
Recovering our Broken Hearts after the Holidays
I wrote this in my journal on Christmas day:
“Hurting With Hope Still Hurts! Those who say that time heals all wounds are wrong…. at least so far. Today, I missed Ashton terribly! I know that the Atonement takes away the sting of death. I know that some day I will understand everything about Heavenly Father’s plan for me and for Ashton. I know that Ashton is not hurting anymore and is happy. I know all that… but I’m still left here on earth without him and sometimes I have to acknowledge that Ashton’s death and the hole that is gaping in our family IS. REALLY. HARD. Christmas day is supposed to be a wonderful day of celebration! I really tried!”
On this last Christmas day I learned something. I learned that I need to acknowledge my grief, even when it’s unexpected. I can’t suppress it. It won’t just go away. I have to go somewhere…. some place where I can be alone and cry it all out. I can’t get over it or around it, I have to let my self go through it.
I want to add that we had a sweet little distraction at our house for Christmas. This little one year old!! She added so much happiness to our Christmas holiday! Of course, she brought her mom and dad and her uncle Jacob was there too. We got to visit Candace’s family in Sierra Vista also. Grandchildren just make life sweet!
I hope those articles are helpful…. for those who are grieving…. and for those who love them.
Written by Faye
Beautiful, and heartfelt writing. Our hearts will never be the same after losing our child, and it’s hard to understand why the world is such a place of suffering sometimes. But, regardless of whether we ever find the answers to “why” these tragedies happen, if there even is a reason, we are still left to live life without our loved ones. Death is a part of life, but it feels so unnatural, and just wrong, when our children are taken from us, especially when they are so young. We would have done anything to protect them. How could this have possibly happened? But, we must come to a place where we accept that things will happen in life that are beyond our control. It sucks, and it hurts, but that is the true nature of this existence. Our mother’s hearts will never be the same, but we are not alone. Other mothers and fathers have lost their children and know the same excruciating pain that we have experienced. As some of us move on over the years and learn to deal with the pain, we can reach out and help others who are just now going through the pain. Sending you strength and encouragement. Your beautiful child will always be with you. She is safe and wants you to find some peace. Love, Rhonda
I apologize, Faye. I accidentally mentioned your son, as she, instead of he. Sending you love and strength to heal your broken mother’s heart.
Rhonda
Thanks for your sweet comments here Rhonda. Your recent posts are a Godsend for me and my family and I had to share them. I know others who need your words of wisdom too. Bless you for sharing your heart with the world.
I tried to comment on your blog but it wouldn’t let me and I never really figured out why. I hope it’s a compliment that I shared your posts and blog.
Yes, thank you for sharing my articles. My blog required me to OK a post to my blog before it will post it. I did receive your blog link by email and that’s how I ended up here.
I’m planning on sharing your blog post on my facebook page, The Other Side of Complicated Grief. Maybe we can connect on Facebook , too.
Also, I’m writing a book which will also be called The Other Side of Complicated Grief. I hope to have done in May. Hugs to you.
I have never heard of complicated grief. Thank you for introducing it to us. I need to learn more about it. I think my daughter might have that. I will look forward to your book. I’ll look you up on Facebook.
Faye,
You are not alone in hiding and crying at the spur of the moment. Christmas is supposed to be wonderful but it does still bring us painful thoughts at times. I wish I understood and knew as much as you do about life after death. However, I find myself questioning it still. You are never alone and always prayed for. Please know this ! I pray for you, Carter and your family every single day !